How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterward. ~ Spanish Proverb
Weekends are busy in our house. We work like crazy all week long and look forward to the beloved weekend…time for rest and relaxation, right? Not so much: clean the house; yard work; grocery shop; meal plan; laundry; organize for the week to come; schedule in some ‘quality’ family time; and, be the most engaging and entertaining mommy that you can be. No rest for the wicked, right?
As “Entertainment Director” of our family, I take it upon myself to plan fun and engaging experiences for my daughter throughout the weekend: music class; art class; trips to the swimming pool; play dates; park adventures; and, beach trips. When we are at home, we have puzzles and baking and reading and hours of pretend play (tea party anyone)? I am exhausted just writing about it. And you know what? I recently had an epiphany. My daughter is exhausted too.
Why am I doing this? Guilt. As a working mother, my time with my child during the week is limited to the mornings and evenings. When we have a full day together, I want to squeeze in as much fun and quality time in as possible. But it is not fair and it is not working. For anyone.
What is missing from this picture? Down time. Time where there is no place to be and nothing to do. Time where we should rest, reflect and take care of ourselves. Time for peace and quiet.
My daughter is also tired on the weekend. She has had a long and busy week. Daycare is a demanding space: both mentally and physically. Learning to connect and engage with her peers; running and climbing to her hearts delight; and, exploring new experiences and activities. She is tired and I am tired. So what is the answer?
Stop feeling so guilty and breathe. Remember that by taking a step back and ‘planning’ a quiet afternoon, I am giving my daughter the tools to take care of herself; and, by finding pockets of time to care of and nurture myself, I am teaching her that mommy is important too. It is also acknowledging that it is more important to rest, than to finish the laundry or have a perfectly tidy home.
This is not to say that I will not plan some entertainment over the weekend or run around trying to get all of my chores done; but it is to say that it is important to limit it and commit myself to more quiet time for our family – for everyone’s sake and sanity.
What are your thoughts?
Here, here! Who ever said doing nothing isn’t something
So true, Lora! I remember reading in a book something about how your child’s most creative moments come after you ignore a relentless barrage of frustrated “I’M BORED, MOMMY!!”s. And it’s so true. When I let my kids hit rock bottom with their boredom (i.e. stop being the entertainer, and do NOTHING), they have their most creative moments. Isn’t that true for us moms too?
Thank-you for the thoughtful comments
Creativity is, indeed, allowed to flow with quiet, space and time.
I agree! We try to schedule 1 outing a day -whether that outing is to buy milk at the grocery store, or to visit the zoo – the rest of the time is ‘down time’ spent at home. What is the point of having all these toys and art supplies if we are never home to use them?! So much fun can be had right at home and down time is critical!
So true!
Lora!
Great post and a great reminder for us all to slow down and take in the sights and sounds of the finer things in life. I find the best days are spent when I leave my watch and phone at home and let myself get swept up in the moment. The reality of our busy lives is that we certainly can’t afford to do this all the time, but I think it is invaluable to unplug from our time pressures and reconnect with the true value of time! Cheers.
Thanks! It is definitely a challenge to carve out space. Life is busy. But I agree that it is important to try
A bit of encouragement for the active free-play concept: http://www.activehealthykids.ca/ReportCard/Active%20Play%20A%20Vanishing%20Act.aspx – I like the quote “throw open the doors and go play”. We were lucky enough to have a fenced yard when our kids were little, so there was lots of opportunity to just let ‘em go!
And last week, I was surprised to hear what our 12-year-old was doing with his after school time – playing tag and baseball – how old fashioned! In a good way!
Love the link. Thanks for including it. And yes – old fashioned play. Imagine that
I absolutely love this post! This is what I wrestle with every weekend. I think too often I search for a “peak” or “memorable” moment but the secret is that every moment is important because that is what is real and present. The only want my kids have it to be listened to and to be with me and that can happen anywhere and doing anything.
Can’t wait to read more!
Thanks Lia. It is good to know that there are others out there who are going through the same struggles. I appreciate your comments and insights.
I’ve really loved this column Lora. All so true.
Thank-you Joan. I am so glad that you enjoyed the post!
I completely agree, Lora! I find myself planning for epic weekends too often. Just “being” with your self and your family is almost more important! Thanks for the reminder.